1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
