the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
