my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
