Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
