Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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