taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
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today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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