I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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