I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
