If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
