she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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