he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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