im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
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