On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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