forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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