bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
