6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
