Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize