My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
