Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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