am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
