She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i need an iv and a liver transplant
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
