can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
