The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize