You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
