I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
