I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
