yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
