considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
