I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
