just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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