He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
