I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
