yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
