1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
