Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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