I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
