two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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