You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
