so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My hand turned me down
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
