Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
