It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
