It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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