the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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