nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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