just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
