I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
from now on my penis is your penis
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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