Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
