shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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