Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He did a backflip because drugs
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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