the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
