What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Randomize
