I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
