Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
