just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
