marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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