Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
