if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
