so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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