She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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