I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
