At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
